Recently, I tried a specialty arm balance class on Kakasana, Crow Pose. I’d practiced the pose before. While I can get into it pretty well, I can’t hold it for long. I was hoping the class would help me improve. I don’t think I improved very much. What I did do was end up in tears. Not because I was hurt, but because I was furious at myself for not being better.

While in the West, yoga is primarily an excellent form of exercise, a fuller practice of it involves following Patanjali’s Eight Limbs of Yoga. These are instructions on how to reach enlightenment via the unity of mind, body and spirit. Asana, the physical practice of yoga, is the third limb of yoga. The first limb incorporates the yamas, which teach us how to treat ourselves, others, and even the entire world. Of these yamas, the primary one is ahimsa, which is the principle of doing no harm. Meaningfully, this includes doing no harm to oneself.

Sitting on the floor beating myself up for falling out of a Kakasana (Crow Pose) was, unfortunately, very self-harming. Also unproductive, because when I got up again I had to overcome not only my frustration, but also that voice in my head telling me I wouldn’t get it this time either.

In the end, I was pleased at my perseverance. But I wonder how much more success I might have had, without the self-directed anger to get past first? What if, instead of harming myself, I’d treated myself with compassion? Wouldn’t that have made the failure just another step towards a goal I haven’t reached yet, but someday will?

It’s a compelling thought, and one I think more of us need to have. Obviously, the ideal is to meet every failure with serenity and gratitude for the lesson, but the reality is often a lot harder to take. Too many of us are taught as children that our failures reflect who we are as people, so when we’re faced with a setback, it’s easy to turn that frustration inward. We learn to do ourselves harm when instead we should be practicing self-compassion. It’s far easier to pick yourself up if nobody kicks you while you’re down.

I need to work on that, just like Kakasana (Crow Pose). But I’m doing another arm balance class today, with plenty of opportunity to try self-compassion in the face of frustration. And today is handstands, so I expect there will be a lot.

Time to practice those yamas.